To My Stinky Brother

Stinky Brother,

Yes, it's Christmas and we want to see you and  your sweet kiddies to give them their gifts. I understand that we saw you less than a week ago and it may be a shock to your system to see us again so soon. Please don't call me and basically ask if it's necessary to get together. I will be offended and tempted to do something nasty to the food you consume at my home.

As adults we have to remember it's not about us, it's about our kids (and their PRESENTS that I shopped for 4 months ago and are waiting under my tree).

Your Loving Sister


p.s. If the dear, sweet girl you married (and has birthed you three gor.ge.ous. babies) ever divorces you....we are soooo taking HER side.

Facebook Addict

I'm a Facebook addict. I admit it. Laundry and dishes aren't  done around here because I am addicted  don't want to clean up anyone's crap anymore. So last night I posted my thoughts on my little status update thingy.

It said....Frat House Mom is waiting for the Dish Fairy to come and clean the kitchen. There IS one, right??? We have Santa, Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. There has GOT to be a Dish Fairy.

I thought I was being all cutesy, silly, funny and that everyone would "get" me. I'd say most did, but I did get one comment that kind of put me in my place. I truely wish I had something witty to say in response, but I don't. If you do....please leave me a comment.

Ahem.... I quote....

"I try to thank God all the time for my blessings, including the dishes. We could be eating on disposable all the time, or only having 1 plate per person. Doing them with a good attitude shows your boys how to choose a a wife who doesn't complain! I try to use this same attitude with ironing too. I have started to pray for my hubby while ironing his shirts. I'm so thankful we can go a week or more and still have clothes in the closet to wear. Once the messes are gone, so are the kids! Savor every moment, it won't last forever.

Here are MY issues with her comment:

1 - Disposable all the time???  (GASP) She says that like it's a problem.
2 - I didn't complain in front of my boys. Only on Facebook. And if I did complain....wouldn't that help them to find a "non-complainer"? I mean, who wants to marry a complainer like their mother?
3 - I do pray for Mr. Coffee - just not while ironing. I need to get on my knees for that 'cause he needs A LOT of prayer (just kidding, Mr. C.)

It's not the first time I've been chided for being my silly self. I'm just trying to keep it real and real Frat House Mom's know that living with all guys (or ANY kiddies for that matter) is a stretching experience and that every once in awhile, ya gotta tell it like it is and be a little transparent.

Gotta go order a pizza for dinner...you KNOW I'm not doing the dishes tonight. ;)

Beano

Something you should give the fraps BEFORE taking family Christmas pictures.....just keeping it real....

No Penis

Can I write the word penis on the world wide web??? Oh well....just did.

I was reading another blog of a gal with boys and it reminded me of something Mocha Frap No Whip said when he was about two years old. Two year olds have a funny spin on things as I'm sure you already know.

One day I was in the bathroom (back in the day before the fabulous toilet I wrote about below).  Any mom will tell you that going to the bathroom ALONE is apparently a big no-no because the kids ALWAYS follow you into the restroom or knock incessantly while you're in there.  Well Mocha Frap No Whip followed me in there and decided that he should help me wipe.

Yes, he thought I needed help.

I guess when you're two and everyone else thinks they should help you....well...you think you should return the favor.

So I explained to him I was okay and that I'd somehow manage to wipe myself. 

Then he told me he wanted to see MY penis.

Ummm...not something I'd thought we'd have to discuss when he was only two and certainly not when I was in the bathroom somewhat unclothed.

"Honey, Mommy doesn't have a penis."

"Why you not have a penis?"

"Honey, God didn't give me one."

He burst into tears and began to wail, "God not give you a penis!!!"

I tried to explain that I was really okay that He didn't give me one and that we certainly had enough penises around our house.

I don't think he could hear me above all of his wailing. Poor guy. Traumatized all over the fact that God didn't give me a penis. I'm okay with it though....really...I am.

A Funny Bumper Sticker

Today on one of the parent's cars (from my fraps school), I saw a bumper sticker that said.....

My honor student was breast fed.

You bet I tried to catch up to that car to see whose girls had fed the honor student.  Couldn't catch up. It was a school zone and I didn't want to get a ticket for speeding over that (just kidding, I made that part up).

I'm thinkin' I need a sticker like that on MY car. Actually I need 3 of those stickers. Yup...3 honor students, one set of girls who fed them all. I suddenly feel kinda proud of myself.

Wouldn't Mr. Coffee be thrilled to drive my car to the next baseball practice? 

Just TWO pairs

Mocha Frap  held up TWO pairs of choanies and asked, "Will these be enough for our trip?"

Ummmm.....no, I don't think so.

We'll be gone for seven days.

7 x 2  = 14

Let's try for something a little closer to 14.

OMGosh - it's going to be a long trip.

A busy girl...

I have been a busy girl these last few months since Mr. Coffee was laid off. I've been trying to coupon more often and be a little more crafty with what I have around here. I don't have much around here to "shop" from, but I have pulled off a couple transformations that I'm proud of.  Of course I'll just link up to the blogs where I got the ideas from (because taking my own pictures would be too much work).  There are some wonderful blogs from some very "crafty" ladies - they attempt crafts I will only dream of. You'll be inspired.....

I've made these.....

Just a Girl - candle makeover
Beneath My Heart - tile coasters
320 Sycamore - metallic pumpkins
320 Sycamore - pumpkin plate

Picky

I don't think I'm picky about too many things as a mom, but I do have a couple of requirements regarding school clothes.

1 - They must be clean and.....

2 - It can't be something you just wore yesterday

Apparently I am too picky. You should have heard the wailing going on around here this morning as Mocha Frap tried to leave the house with the SAME outfit he had on yesterday. It was as if I'd asked him to wear a skirt. Oh dear.....

Edumacation

I went to school to be a teacher. I planned to be a teacher since I was in 6th grade. Taught 7th and 8th grade for 7 1/2 years.  Blah...blah...blah...

Because I got a single subject credential, I never had to take the art class that the elementary credential people did.

Guess who needed to???

Me. 

That's right...the one with 3 boys...the one who is up late at night making a doll out of a wooden spoon that's supposed to look like our ancestor who came from Sweden on a boat.  Seriously, the man has no legs or hair in his current condition.

Alright, I was really up Facebooking, but let's say I was slaving over my kids' projects, shall we?

All I've got to say is....I better get an A!!!

I need a lawyer

Strawberry Frap just told me he'd like to speak with a lawyer.  Because I asked for his email password.

Oh brother! I'm just getting started. More of the teenage years are on the way and I'm sure to invade his privacy in many more ways in the future. Many.many.more.

BBQ...anyone???

Original post 6/15/09
Since Mr. Coffee has been out of a job, I TRIED to put him to work by asking him to "fix" the BBQ. It wasn't working and I thought him being a guy....well...that he would consider that a "man's job." So I waited a couple weeks and then got frustrated one night and tried to "fix" it myself.

Blew my hair right off my head. Yup, that's what I did and some of my eyebrow too. I had an appointment to go see the hair stylist the next day - so I thought I should tell him why there were little pieces of hair framing my face. Being a man, he of course had to give me a couple "pointers" on how to start the BBQ the next time. Gee thanks.

But let me tell you, the Frat House Mom got dinner on the table that night singed hairs and all. Made myself proud. And Mr. Coffee...I don't think he even felt bad for me. In fact, when I pointed the little singed pieces out to him said, "Oh, ya I see them...they just look like gray hairs." What a guy thing to say!!!

UPDATE November 7, 2009
Since I have been busted and am no longer a secret blogger...I must edit my post to include Mr. Coffee's thoughts on my BBQ experience. He says he DID check out the functionality of the BBQ before I blew my hair off and that it was clear that I wasn't injured and therefore there wasn't really anything to say to me (and my singed hair).  My (now grown out) singed hair and I stand corrected.

The Most Expensive Seat in the House

Do you have a wonderful recliner or chair that cost an incredible amount of money, but is oh.so.worth.it?

Well the most expensive seat in our house is......a toilet.  Yup.  We had to buy a new one because the plumber man told us that to retrofit ours was just about the same cost as a new one.

He, of course, had this new kind of Kohler toilet and thought it was amazing. Yes....he was excited about a toilet.  (I guess that's the stuff that thrills plumbers.)  The plumber guy tells us they installed one in his daughter's bathroom and now none of them even use the master bathroom toilet. That was TOOO much information for me.

The plumber man also told us that he's worked on bathrooms that have had flat screen t.v.'s installed in them specifically for the purpose of viewing from the comode. Are you kidding me??? He swore that's the truth because the remote is right next to the toilet paper.

So we buy the new toilet and it cost the most money I've EVER spent on a chair....seat....toilet.  And when the plumber guy was finished installing it, he insisted that I MUST sit on it.  Right there. Right then.

Ummmmm......seriously???  Yes, he told me.  So I did....with the lid down, of course! Oh, and with my pants on.  Of course. 

Hmmmmm.....I think I might be needing one of those flat screens in my bathroom now. :)

Note to Self:

DO NOT eat chips and salsa after having your wisdom teeth pulled. It is really, really wrong in so many ways.

MORON!

Labor without drugs

I love Facebook - I'm a Facebook junkie. Now that I'm a junkie I know all kinds of stuff about people that my husband thinks is none of my business.  But.....if they post it on Facebook....then it's not being nosey for me to know, ya know what I mean??? Anywho....a gal posted her labor/delivery story and it includes that she had the baby without any pain medication. WHATT?????? 

She also included that she hates going to the dentist because it hurts.

Are you kidding me, girl? No drugs for someone that you push out of you know where, but you don't want to go to the dentist?!?

I'll admit it. I don't get that. I did labor for enough hours to know that I don't need to feel that again. EVER.  I'm all for healthy babies and happy, healthy mommies.  Pain does not equal healthy. I'm just sayin'..........

A Bazillion Months

So it's been forever since I've blogged. It's not that I haven't had any stories to share, it's that I've had a whiney, bad attitude and I didn't think anyone would find that too edifying. And I'm sure you all come here to read something edifying, huh? As soon as I figure out a way to express myself in a more positive way, then I'll be back to share. I can sum up a little of my attitude problem in just two words...sports and men. 'Nuf said for now.

Go ahead...ask me.

Go ahead... ask me how many times Strawberry Frap brushed his teeth and showered at camp this week. Go ahead...I'll wait... Zip, zilch, ninguno, zero, nada, not one time, never. That's my answer. Seriously...that's what he told me. Eeewww. Oh wait - he did say he brushed ONCE. Isn't that so gross? I didn't bother to ask him if he ever changed his underwear. It might have sent me over the edge (seeing as how I was soooo close). Now Straw. Frap also said he liked a lot of girls this week at camp. A LOT. So when do you think he'll figure out that girls + good hygiene = results ? I hope really soon.

JOB....anyone???

Mr. Coffee was laid off last week. :( It's the stinkin' economy and his company's need to cut costs. We are going to miss that company so much.

I have saved soooo much money

I decided to spend it all on me! Kinda should be embarrassed of myself. And I am, but not for spending money. I went to get a pedicure with the money I've saved (or that's what I told myself). I've been to this nails place a couple times and I've gotten the SAME girl every time - fortunately she does a very good job. Bless her heart, she is chosen to work on my nasty feet AGAIN. After she's put callus remover on my feet and she's begun to try to smooth them out, the owner walks by and stares at the ground below her, one of the other workers walks by...stares at the ground. It's my foot junk they're staring at and I suddenly feel terribly embarrassed and exposed. The last time I was there, the owner's 4 year old son walked by and stared at the ground and said, "Eeeewww!" That's right, even the four year old knew. I can't go back there anymore. I just can't. How can I? I'm sure they all discussed me in Vietnamese after I left. At least I hope they did it in Vietnamese so their other clients wouldn't understand. I'm going to have to just be one of those nail salon gypsies and go to a new place every time. Oh the pain of being vain...or just plain embarrassed.

All Dried Up

I have nothing informational, thought-provoking or entertaining to share. Well I do have one thing I could share....it's HOT! Like 98 degrees or something today - hello....it's only April. Wish the neighbors would hurry up and finish their new pool and invite my kids over. :)

Easter Morn

O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? He Is Risen!

Strap Perfect

Have you seen these commercials for Strap Perfect. Cute blond, great bust line, unsightly bra strap. She needs Strap Perfect to keep her bra straps together (to create a kind of racer back bra) to keep them from showing and as an added bonus, she appears to increase her bust and fill out the great little top she's wearing. So here's me....trying to put on the Strap Perfect. Well, let's just say they won't be picking ME to do a commercial (maybe a youtube video though). One of the ways you can put on the Strap Perfect is to put on your bra and then try to clip the thing behind your back. That's the way the cute blond does it. But not me. It was taking me an extra 10 minutes to get out the door just because I kept shooting the clip across the bathroom while I was trying to attach it. Feeling kind of silly, I dug around in the box and pulled out the instructions. There was a second way to put on the Strap Perfect. This is where the video may have gotten funny. If you turn your bra around backwards, you can hook it on and then turn the bra around WITH the Strap Perfect in place and wa - la. Perfect bust line, no slipping straps. I think I took off part of my boob when I was trying to turn it back around. Anyway...I must say, that wearing my bra has never felt this comfortable (truly, I'm not exaggerating) and I think my boobs do look a little perkier. If that's even possible when you've had 3 Fraps. Like you really wanted to know so much about my boobs. I'm going to give the Strap Perfect an A+ (even though it did take me a little practice). I purchased mine at Walgreen's for $9.99 which I think is a little cheaper than what it is advertised for on TV - go on - go buy some!

No Can Do

I have been challenged (translate...obsessed) by so many blogs lately to coupon, be more frugal, spend less. Well I came across a few items I just won't spend my money on...even it saves my family money. Have you heard of them??? Lunapads and the Divacup. Lunapads are washable, reusable sanitary napkins. And the Divacup...well it goes in you know where at that "time of the month." Are you kidding me? No way. Not. going. to. do. it. With a house full of men? Like that's gonna happen. I'm sorry if I'm going to ruin the environment, but God will just have to forgive me.

I'm Sick

So I've been sick off and on for the last week (on drugs for a bronchitis kind of thing), but felt I still hadn't kicked it. So I ran over to the local "urgent care" in hopes I could be in and out in an hour because the Fraps had baseball games. I really wanted to attend since I'd been too sick to go the week before. Sure enough I need another round of antibiotics and the doctor says they should also give me a shot to jump start the healing process. The nurse comes in and I begin to pull up my sleeve and ask, "Which side?" Her response, "Oh no, this doesn't go in your arm." Oh THAT side....right in the old bum cheek. It hurt! Boo hoo! But I do feel much better today. I felt kinda sorry for the nurse. I mean she had to look at my bum. Bless her heart!

Have you ever done this?

Have you ever grocery shopped and then come home and ordered a pizza? I did. Tonight. Guess I was too tired from all that shopping to come home and cook. I'm pathetic. :)

Baseball Season

My poor blog has turned into more of a place for me to rant. But bear with me for one more....white baseball pants for little boys. All the Fraps play baseball in white pants - not that they're white anymore (after my washing skills have been employed). But honestly - who would put kids in white pants? Obviously not the person who was going to wash them. C.R.A.Z.Y. Grass stains, mud, chili bean nachos and Gatorade spills. Y.U.C.K.Y.

March MADness

Before I dated Mr. Coffee, I had never heard of Fantasy Football or March Madness. Now that we've been married awhile...I know too much. So do all the Fraps. They're all in some sort of pool together. Why is that for a few weeks time...nothing can be done in the evenings except watching games? Honestly, could we women have some sort of scrapbooking event that lasted us weeks and prevented us from being wives and mothers? Oy vey! So my point is that March MADness...is really about the way it makes me feel...MAD. We're 6 hours into the MADness and I'm feeling the need to eat a copious amount of chocolate and go to Target. I'll see you there. In the chocolate aisle. With my Cadbury Mini Eggs. Or Snickers. Or Hersheys what-cha-ma-call-its with the toffee and almonds.

You know you want some....

These make me very happy - insanely happy. I need some in a very bad way RIGHT NOW! Haven't seen them??? They are these......

Is it a sin?

Is it a sin to find out what Mr. Coffee bought for Valentine's Day? I wasn't looking for anything when I checked our online banking and found out where he'd been shopping at. So I'm hoping it's not a sin, but if those flowers are delivered anywhere else besides our front door, there will definitely be some sinning going on. There'll be some pain and illegal use of kitchen utensils. (Well...... you know I don't use them for cooking, so I might as well use them for something useful!) AN UPDATE: I did receive some beautiful tulips and a great night out to dinner. So no kitchen utensils were used to harm or cook during the evening. :)

Making the House Mom Proud

Yesterday Mocha Frap decided to find something to wear to school since he didn't like what I picked out. He did a great job matching the shirt and pants - red shirt with gray design and matching gray in the pants. Very handsome, yet very familiar. So I asked Mocha Frap where he got those clothes from.....yes, you guessed it.....the dirty clothes hamper. Said he had only worn them a couple days ago (in the SAME school week). I tried to talk him into at least putting on a different shirt. "Oh no Mom, this is fine!" So in an effort to let my child grow up, find his way in this world and be independent, I dutifully took him to school in the dirty clothes. Now they didn't smell or look dirty!!!! We do have our pride, ya know. I always say, "We're all just one step out of the trailer park."

Stomach Flu

Here's to the stomach flu which has invaded my house. Here's to Oust, Clorox, paper towels and the washing machine. Here's to my insanity - I do hope it's temporary.

Dressed for Success

Today I worked in Mocha Frap's class. I went to the school office and copied some papers for the teacher. I had some problems with the copier, so one of the teachers helped me - thank you so much! I returned to class, there was a fire drill so I left early and went to the drug store to pick up Mocha's prescription. While looking at the 75% Christmas aisle, I noticed the tie on the front of my blouse didn't look right. I reached up and discovered the tag for my blouse on the OUTSIDE of the blouse. Nice.....I walked myself to the bathroom and changed. What a class act! Going to the school, the school office, the drug store with my blouse inside out. I'm sure the teacher who helped me on the copy machine thought that wasn't the ONLY help I needed today!

Cindy Crawford

This year I'm saving money (lots of it).....

• didn't take the Fraps to the movies - I'm waiting for it to come out on DVD.
• Didn't send the Fraps to a birthday party of an acquaintance.
• Keeping the house at 63 degrees - it's cold in here!
• Bought Cindy Crawford's skin care system. Oooppps! I was doing so well until I saw this informercial with Cindy and the French doctor with the one-of-a-kind French melon extract that when slathered on my aging skin will make me look like Cindy. Well.....maybe a fatter Cindy.

And speaking of informercials. There was one with some great Latin music and a gorgeous Latin instructor, but I just couldn't get my fat arse off the couch to go get the phone for that call. And everyone on the informercial had the most amazing abs - even this gal who said she'd birthed 7 children. Well since I only have 3 Fraps, I think I'll just save my money on that product!

So here's to looking like a younger, fatter Cindy in 2009!